Most men face rejection frequently in the dating world.
In many situations, men are typically responsible for initiating most steps in the progression of a relationship—from starting a conversation, to the first touch, asking for contact info, or going in for a kiss. At every stage, rejection is a possibility. Women can reject a man in a caring way or in a less respectful way, like ghosting. Because of these dynamics, it can be difficult for many women to fully understand the emotional pain many men experience during these periods of dating.
For many men seeking sex or romantic bonds, long stretches of rejection—sometimes indefinite—can feel deeply painful and humiliating, especially for young men “with something to prove.” Repeated rejection can be depressing, and breaking out of a “dry spell” can be a significant challenge.
Women do often give signals—through behavior and body language—that can ease the process for men with some social experience and emotional intelligence. However, ultimately, rejection remains outside a man’s control. This creates a kind of “catch-22”: men with more experience and confidence tend to read signals better and face less rejection, while less experienced or emotionally inexperienced men often misread cues and face more frequent rejection.
The harsh truth for many men
It’s surprisingly easy for men to remain single indefinitely. Without consistent effort to seek dates and develop attractiveness, some men may never have sex or romantic relationships. I know several men in their early to mid-20s who have barely put in any effort and have never come close to a date, never mind sex. This makes rejection doubly painful because it is the price men pay to even enter the dating game—a game virtually all heterosexual men want to play.
Put yourself in his shoes
If you are a woman with multiple men interested in you, or if getting dates is easy for you, imagine the reverse. What if you had to initiate every step? Have you ever approached a man you liked and carried the conversation? Could you make him laugh, show genuine confidence, and spark his interest instantly? What if his signals were unclear, and you knew that showing too much neediness, awkwardness, or nerves would likely push him away? How would that feel?
What Can Be Done?
The dating world would be a more emotionally healthy place if more women practiced empathy toward men facing rejection. Women can sometimes belittle or dismiss men in unkind ways, often unaware of the emotional toll rejection takes.
Remember: it takes real courage for a man—especially one with little experience—to put himself out there. This doesn’t mean tolerating harassment or aggressive behavior. Men who cross those lines deserve no respect or patience.
But for those men you have mixed feelings about, try to be patient. Understand the stress of vulnerability in early dating stages. Don’t be overly judgmental if he makes a mistake or acts awkwardly. Give him a chance to reveal his character, good qualities, and values—those are what (hopefully) truly matter to you.
And for men you simply aren’t interested in? Please still treat them with respect. Don’t humiliate, rudely reject, or ghost them. If you see good qualities but aren’t attracted, offer constructive feedback or gently and clearly communicate your lack of interest. Sometimes even a simple “I’m seeing someone” or “I have a boyfriend” can spare feelings more than blunt rejection, even if it’s a lie.
By fostering empathy, women can help ease the emotional burden many men carry and create a more respectful dating environment.
The “Hidden” Rejection Women Face
Does this mean women have it easier? Sometimes, especially for women most men find attractive, who can choose from many suitors early on. But it’s important to remember men reject many women before any conversations start—often without a second thought—based on quick visual judgments.
Women who don’t fit conventional standards of attractiveness often face intense rejection or ridicule, a reality not well understood by more conventionally attractive women and men. Many desire meaningful relationships but encounter men interested only in casual encounters. Unlike men, many of these women have fewer options to change their attractiveness because they are judged aesthetically first and foremost.
What Can Be Done?
Men should cultivate empathy for women who face rejection before they even speak. And if you’re on the fence about a woman, give her a chance—sometimes initial impressions don’t tell the whole story. Many women become far more attractive through charm, wit, and personality.
Men should also abandon dehumanizing “10-point” attractiveness scales, which lower self-esteem (for everyone) and increase unhealthy competition.
Women, meanwhile, should remember that while nature and culture impose often harsh standards of beauty, hopelessness or bitterness toward men is not the answer. Physical attractiveness opens the door to relationships, but once inside, many men become more accepting of traits they might not have initially preferred.
Women can also boost their chances by showing confidence, warmth, principles, and charm, while taking care of their physical health—losing excess fat, gaining muscle, and focusing on natural beauty rather than heavy makeup or surgery. Many men appreciate a variety of body types, and moderate effort in healthy living can improve attraction and overall wellbeing.
Final Thoughts
The dating world would improve dramatically if both men and women showed more empathy and understanding for the rejection the other experiences. This could reduce depression, frustration, and anger on all sides.
Focus on what you genuinely want in a partner—independent of friends’ or societal pressures—and invest in self-improvement. Attraction and connection are built on much more than looks or initial chemistry; they thrive on respect, patience, and genuine character.