This article is based on multiple personal accounts on both sides of the aisle.
Obviously, many if not most people do not have a lot of fun with modern dating
for various reasons. Here we will focus on one issue that we can describe as a
‘vicious cycle.’
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First, we will make a critical moral point here before beginning this discussion.
Every innocent human being on the planet deserves basic dignity and respect
regardless of their physical appearance. No one deserves to be directly insulted
or humiliated for how they look physically! However, people must accept that
despite deserving basic dignity, in the dating world, they should expect to be
judged by others, and there is no ‘right’ to being considered attractive as a
mate. This is currently an unavoidable aspect of nature, intertwined with culture.
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Now we begin.
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Unfortunately, weight or more accurately how fat someone is, particularly in the
gut area, is an important factor in whether someone is considered physically
attractive. In this article we will refer to being ‘fat’ or ‘overweight’ as carrying
significant fat in the gut area. Men are generally instinctually sensitive to
whether a woman is fat or not. However, men can and do have sex with women
even when they have no interest in a long term relationship. As in, many men will
have sex with overweight women that they have no intention of offering any
kind of relationship commitment. On the other hand, speaking roughly, women
especially (but also men) generally don’t want endless hookups and will desire
a commitment from at least some of these men they sleep with. And here is
where the vicious cycle comes in…
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So, many men will continue to sleep with overweight women and essentially hurt
them emotionally overtime. Most of these women inevitably become at least
somewhat bitter about dating. They hookup with men and can’t get
commitments. They cannot get what they want from the dating world. At the
same time, the men also often don’t feel great. Some will have a degree of guilt
and feel emotionally drained by hooking up with women that they don’t truly
desire as partners. On average, it’s a mutually painful exchange, despite some
short term pleasure for both parties. And what about the dating pool as a
whole? Many women who COULD be physically attractive of enough to be
potential great partners, are not because they have ‘let themselves go’. And so
there is smaller pool of women that men will consider for actual committed
relationships. More competition between men for a smaller pool of attractive
women, leading to less people in relationships who want to be in relationships.
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The dating world as a whole becomes a darker place!
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What are the solutions?
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1) The first and main solution is for women who are currently ‘fat’ is to take their
health and fitness more seriously. Although this sounds like a non-PC answer, it
will be more subtle than the usual remarks. This won’t be just cruelly telling
women to just ‘lose weight’. Firstly, we will explain WHY this is the best solution.
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Overweight women WILL have better dating result by getting in better shape, in
terms of getting what they want. Second they WILL benefit their short term and
long term health. Strong scientific evidence shows having too much fat,
especially in the gut, increases the chance of many diseases, including speeding
up the aging process itself. There is also solid evidence of mental health issues
as well from being overweight. Thirdly, it benefits the dating pool as a whole.
More currently single women and men will be able to get in the long term
relationships that they are instinctually happy about. We will not get into why
some women choose to ‘let themselves go’ in the first place but will leave for
future discussion.
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So HOW do women who are currently overweight get in better shape? Diet is
most important and will have the biggest impact. However, this isn’t about ‘going
on a diet’, this is changing what you eat as a long term dietary shift. We would
strongly recommend Dr. Joel Fuhrman’s or Dr. Michael Greger’s eating styles.
Essentially you eat a lot of nutrient dense foods (such as fruits, vegetables, and
legumes). You do not go hungry this way, and will actually likely be eating much
larger volumes of food then you are used to, ironically. You will be satiated and
content in terms of how you feel, however the adjustment of changing WHAT
you are eating may take some time. Of course, alongside this, a sustainable and
fun exercise regimen will only further benefit physical and mental health.
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As short aside, women, be wary of friends or acquaintances (usually female)
who give you advice and support that does not lead you to a happier dating
life. Your friends should care for you and support you emotionally regardless of
what you look like. However, friends should not encourage and should actually
discourage behaviours that make you a less attractive mate, such as eating a lot
of junk food. Friends supporting a very overweight woman, saying she is
beautiful as she is and as a great potential partner is essentially giving false
hope (for the most part). This is similar to men encouraging a male friend to
continue living in their parents basement, playing video games, and not pursuing
any type of ambition or goal, and then letting them experience the dating world.
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2) The second solution is for men to be better communicators and not
misleading women. This goes well as a compliment to the first solution. Men
should try to minimize hooking up with women they are not truly attracted to as
long term mates. This will likely benefit the mental health of both sides. With
less ‘player’ type behaviour from men, women will have a more honest look at
whether or not men are interested in them as actual partners and there will be
less negative after effects of one night stands and short term relationships. At
the very least, men should let women know BEFORE hooking up what their
intentions are, ideally. This is not meant to ignore why men pursue short term
hookups in the first place. This is often due to a lack of attractive long term
options, and is NOT because they are trying to be purposely cruel or sinister.
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To conclude, the dating world can often be a rough place. Many don’t get what
they desire on both sides. Stopping this ‘vicious cycle’ of overweight women
being ‘misled’ by often sexually desperate men would help alleviate negative
aspects of the dating world, making it a happier place overall.